Thanks for coming. Have a seat. No, not that one.
As some of you may know, I’m a funny guy. Maybe the funniest guy you’ve ever met - I don’t know. Probably top ten anyway. Of all the amazing things I bring to this website, one of the most important and entertaining is my unique brand of deadpan humour. Why, barely a thread goes by without a hilarious Thommy H comment these days, and I know that when you, the posters of CDO, see that I’ve made a reply you get a brief tingle of excitement as you click it.
“What’s he said now?”
“I bet this will be hilarious!”
"Where are my spare trousers for after I’ve wet myself?"
However, it’s come to my attention that sometimes a small minority of people misunderstand some of the things I say, and that this may be causing friction. These people - who I’m assured represent the very bottom two or three percentiles in terms of intelligence here on CDO, and are quite unlike the vast majority of you who are witty, urbane and sexy - have trouble spotting a “Thommy H gag”.
This is a problem for me. I aim to entertain. I want even these sorry individuals to be able to experience the joy that is my posting, so I wanted to solicit your opinions on how best to make it clear when I’m joking, and when I’m deadly serious. What is needed is some kind of “flag” that I can put up to say “this is a sarcastic comment, don’t take it seriously”. An emoticon would work, of course, but I think I need something more obvious. Here’s a couple of suggestions, don’t hesitate to let me know which you prefer:
Bill Hicks (1961 - 1994) was a legendary American stand-up comedian, known for his political satire and peculiar brand of ranting wit. While Hicks can never hold a candle to me, his use of hilarious sarcasm is certainly appropriate. With the Hicks Scale, what I would do is post this picture of Bill Hicks:
Before I say something sardonic. Then you’d know to expect hilarity.
Thanks to Bill, Xander would know my comment was in jest!
Hey, Xander, your forum sucks!
Hypothetical Thommy H
BIG RED LETTERS
With BIG RED LETTERS, anything posted in BIG RED LETTERS would be very noticeable, and I would reserve the BIG RED LETTERS for uses of sarcasm. For example:
WILLMARK, THIS ISSUE OF THE WEBZINE IS JUST AWFUL
Hypothetical Thommy HOf course, Willmark would know I didn’t mean that, and that this issue is as good as all the rest - thanks to BIG RED LETTERS.
Just like Mr. Hat in early seasons of South Park, this would be a way to have my deepest, funniest feelings “come out” in the form of a weird alter ego who would interject to make his feelings known. Naturally, “Thommy H” would resent everything this “Evil Thommy” said, and appear shocked whenever he showed up. That way, I would retain plausible deniability and no one could get mad at me because it would be Evil Thommy that said it, not me! For example:
Hey, great rules, Grimstonefire.Grim couldn’t get mad at me, because he would know that Evil Thommy said that, and Evil Thommy is a fictional, sarcastic alter-ego for delivering scathing comments.
Evil Thommy: Yeah, if you like horribly unbalanced games of Warhammer.
Oh my God! Don’t say stuff like that, Evil Thommy!
Hypothetical Thommy H
So, three simple solutions to this problem. Please don’t hesitate to let me know which you prefer.