[Archive] My story's


Well this is were I am going to place my three stories each one will be posted in chaperts I have chapter one for the first two ready and I am working on chapter one for the third one.


Story one part one.

Karmik looked at the building site it was covered in slaves busily working on the tunnel.

He had known that it was a ambitious project to try and build anything this closed to the chaos wastes but he had been unprepared for the magnitude of the problem to begin with Karmik had simply ordered the slaves and hobgoblins to build the tunnel but then a surge from the center of the waste had destroyed all there work.

Karmik had wasted no time and put out a call for all mercenary casters around. The combined team of daemon smith�?Ts hobgoblin shamans and chaos dwarf sorcerers now worked nonstop to stop the landscape reshaping as it had when they had first tried to build the tunnel. A hobgoblin came running up to Karmik he did not bother looking at it he was above such things.

�?oReport�?� said Karmik in his deep booming voice.

�?oYes master construction is nearly complete we need only four more hours and the tunnel will be finished then it will take twenty minutes for the sorcerers to get the tunnel operational�?�

�?oGood I want a scout report in my hand in twenty minutes along with a surge prediction chart under stand�?�

�?oYe-es master right away master�?�

The hobgoblin quickly ran to consult with a small group of hobgoblins gathered near the wolf pen. Karmik looked out at the building site taking in all the small details and savoring the pride he felt in the construction of the tunnel no over race could construct such a large structure in such a short a amount of time still it had been hard he had hated living in a tent for two months but it had been necessary they would never get finished if they spared slaves to build quarters for Karmik and the sites guard.

A hobgoblin came running over this one a veteran of many campaigns his green skin was a crisscross of scars he held a spear in one hand and a roll of parchment in the other.

�?oHere are the predictions we also sent two dozen riders out to scout for enemy trope movements I�?Tve put the perimeter scouts on full alert and I sent half a dozen hobgoblins to get the troopers ready for battle there�?Ts no harm in readying them now.

Karmik turned to face the hobgoblin looking up at the hobgoblins face unlike many dwarfs Karmik was not touchy about his height.

�?oGood work Slamik as soon as the tunnel is finished get the slaves to start filling in the craters and building a wall I want this base level by sun up.

�?oYes sir I�?Tll tell the slave master strait away�?�

Slamik rushed of towards the tunnel weaving in and out of the numerous craters and tents that doted the area. Karmik left his position near the tunnel and entered his tent it looked like all the other tents from the outside but inside it was completely different with the walls covered in silk tapestries of Karmik�?Ts many victories in battle apart from a small space over the luxurious single bed the space had two pictures each of a different male dwarf the floor was cover with furs of animals from as far away as Lustira. Karmik pulled on a tiger fur coat and sat at his deck removing his axe from his leather belt and placed it on the deck a few centimeters from his left hand with his right hand he unrolled the parchment that Slamik had handed him.


Karmik scanned the piece of parchment a second time as if trying to find a fault with it when he had finally decided that what was on the parchment was right he put it down slipped his axe back into his belt threw this fur coat onto his bed grabbed a blunderbuss from the rack next to the wardrobe and walked outside were there was a huge amount of commotion hobgoblins were running back and forth chaos dwarf warriors were marching back and forth chanting one of the hobgoblins ran up to Karmik.

�?osir we have a problem the shipment of talismans is going to be attacked one of there scouts came into the camp a few minutes ago we don�?Tt have time to ready and soldier plus we cant afford to sent any anyway since are scouts just came back there�?Ts a chaos war band heading in this direction there�?Tll be here in just under four hours�?�

Karmik made a snap disishion they needed the talismans they would allow them to stop the surge that was coming the biggest one yet bigger then the one that had destroyed the entire base.

�?oget me Harmish I want him saddled and ready to go in five minutes I will go after the talismans and bring then back prepare the base for defense get every scroll and staff we have out of storage there�?Ts a surge coming and its going to hit the same time as the war band I want everyone who can cast a cantrip including the surge predictors working on containing this surge its the biggest one yet�?�

�?oYe yes sir strait away sir�?�

The hobgoblin ran to one of then tents calling to a group of hobgoblins trying to saddle up a dozen wolves half of then ran of to help the hobgoblin grabbing pokers as they ran into the tent.

Five minutes later the hobgoblins came running out of the tent leading what looked like a huge bull with wings.

Karmik swung himself onto the great Taurus back grabbing the rains he shouted to the hobgoblins

�?oI want a obsidian bowl on top of the tunnel I need a safe place to drop the talismans�?�

With that he kicked the flanks of Harmish and they flew into the air Hamish�?Ts great wings beating as fast as they could. They flew strait south following a brown dirt track after two hours a small group of carriages came into view one of them was on fire.

Karmik rained Harmish in. looking down at the carriages he seamed to be counting them.

�?oOne of them is missing I can see tracks going of to the east I thinks it�?Ts the talisman one�?�

Harmish flew to the east after five minutes a carriage came into view it was driving east a few meters behind it were a pair of Minotaur�?Ts.

Karmik kicked Harmish�?Ts flanks indicating that the great Taurus should drop lower Harmish flew lower aiming for the exposed back of one of the minotaur�?Ts as they passed the minotaur�?Ts Karmik pulled his axe from his belt and slashed at the minotaur�?Ts back as Karmik swung his axe the axe glowed blue and pulled its self a few centimeters up hitting the minotaur strait on the spinal cord. The minotaur collapsed its body falling face down in the dirt the second minotaur pulled a huge axe from its belt and swung it at Karmiks head but Karmik was ready for it he pulled his blunderbuss out of his belt and fired it strait in the beasts face it released a cloud of fowl smelling gas strait into the beasts face its axe flew out of its hand and hit Harmish in the side he withered in pain throwing Karmik from his back Karmik pulled him self into a ball and rolled behind the minotaur he grabbed a glass bottle from his belt and dropped it in the mouth of the blunderbuss he then pulled a small black pellet from his belt pouch and fed it into a hole on the side of his blunderbuss the minotaur turned around bringing its axe down on Karmik. Karmik felt the pain it was terrible he was sure a few of his ribs were broken he still had one idea lodged in his mind grab the axe.

Swinging his legs round the axe handle when the minotaur pulled the axe back up wondering were its pray had gone then it spotted Karmik clinging to its axe Karmik swung his arm up pointing the blunderbuss strait in its face and fired.

�?onighty night�?�

The beast toppled back Karmik landed on its chest grabbing his blunderbuss from the floor he ran towards Harmish and swung himself on top of him.

�?oMove we need the catch the cart�?�

Harmish took to the air in a few minutes he was flying next to the cart watching the wolves pulling it with hunger Karmik looked at the cart then at the wolves.

�?oYou�?Tll never catch them fry the cart the talismans will be fine�?�

Harmish turned his head and looked strait at the cart then breathing in as much air as possible then he relished it all in a mighty fireball that engulfed the cart as the cart began to burn the fire spread up the ropes that attached the wolves to the cart one of the weal�?Ts broke of forcing the cart to make a rapid turn to the right strait for a huge drop the wolves tried to pull the cart away but the ropes holding them to the cart broke as sending the cart catapulting into the drop Harmish flew after the cart as they reached the drop Karmik threw himself of Hamish�?Ts back dropping like a stone he crashed thou the roof of the cart landing right next to a small chest and on top of a poison covered spike the spike cracked his amour Karmik grabbed the chest and kicked the spike it broke but part of it was left in his chest Karmik waited until the last seconds before the cart crashed into the bottom of the crevice then he jumped hoping desperately that Harmish knew what to.

Harmish flew for the cart just as Karmik jumped out of the cart he grabbed Karmik in his hoofs and flew up to the top of the crevice he dropped Karmik onto the ground Karmik turned to look at the great Taurus.

�?oGood work now when I pull the spike out I need you to breathe fire into the wound a six second burst should do but make sure you get all of it in my amour is fire proof so your going to need to really focus hard ok�?�

Harmish nodded his head and breathed in Karmik put both hands on the spike in his chest.

�?oOn three one two three�?�

Karmik pulled the spike out as Harmish breathed fire into the wound Karmik let out a gasp of pain after six seconds Harmish stopped breathing fire into the wound and moved away from Karmik who sat up pulled a piece of material from his cape and raped in round the wound he then picked up the chest and walked over to Harmish.

�?oGood work now we need to get back to base double time lets move�?�

Karmik leapt on to Hamish�?Ts back and Karmik opened the chest and looked inside.

First Lieutenant Sar was having a really bad day to start with he was stuck living in a tent then his favorite hobgoblin got poisoned then he had to run military drills when there was no know threat and then this.

The alarm horn sounded loud and clear thou out the base with the commander of to get the talismans Sar was in charge turning to the nearest hobgoblin he barked.

�?oget the troops ready I want all the tents except mine and commander Karmik�?Ts. rolled up and all the furniture made into a barricade for the blunderbusders to shelter behind and get me Slamik I need him to organize the rabble you lot call a army�?�

�?oYes sir I mean master. Right away lord�?�

With that the hobgoblin ran of to find Slamik who arrived within a few minutes.

�?oWhat do you want Sar�?�

Sar and Slamik had a long history mostly bad.

�?oI need you to get the hobgoblins in position I want the bowman behind the blunderbusders so they can provide covering fire to the reloading blunderbusders I want all the warriors to work on the tunnel�?�

�?oThe tunnel that�?Ts slaves not a job for warriors also if you ordered the blunderbusders to take of those stupidly large hat then my men would be able to provide constant covering fire�?�

�?oYour men are slaves they serve me that makes them slaves as for the hats they are the height of fashion plus they protect the blunderbusders from high flying shots now go get your wolf riders ready and hit the enemy supply train�?�

�?osupply train this is a chaos war band they don�?Tt have supplies never mind supply trains. You don�?Tt even care which god they worship I�?Tll tell you anyway they worship the blood god and that means they won�?Tt drain anything from the winds of magic which is going to make it even harder to contain the surge�?�

�?oI don�?Tt care now go make shur my orders are followed�?�

�?oFine but if there isn�?Tt a supply train I�?Tll be coming for you�?�

With that Slamik ran of and started giving orders to the soldiers not only the hobgoblin ones but the chaos dwarf ones to as soon as Sar spotted this he walked over to Slamik but Slamik noticed him and ran of to the wolf pen followed by two dozen hobgoblins.

Slamik swung his leg over the back of his wolf his unit were ready he turned to them.

�?oBoy�?Ts we are to strike at the enemy and capture them then four of you are to return to the construction site and tie them to it�?�

Slamik spun aroid so he was now facing forward his wolf was a great grey thing, it had helped him in many battles and saved his life dozens of times. Slamik spurred his wolf forward the rest of the unit filling in behind him the battle would start any minute the enemy was in sight and were marching towards the chaos dwarf battle-line Slamik lead his wolf rider to the left flank of the enemy he and his unit hid in a small area of bushes when the enemy passed then Slamik raised his hand after a few seconds he dropped his hand and all of the wolf riders burst from there cover and charged into the flank of a unit of half naked chaos marauders they caught the marauders of guard catching them in there nets as soon as all there nets were full they retreated to the area of bushes dropping there full nets and charging of with fresh nets four of the wolf riders grabbed as many nets as they could and rode back to the construction site.

Sar was with the small group of bull centaurs riding on a Taurus not a great one like Harmish but still a formidable mount as the enemy reached the main battle line all the hobgoblin bowman knocked to hats of the chaos dwarf warriors in front of them and started firing at the chaos marauders charging at them the blunderbusders fired then dropped to there knees to reload as the rank behind them fired.

Karmik looked down at the battle it was going badly thou not as badly as he had anticipated it seamed that the winds of magic were being stop only around the tunnel instead of at random places by enemy wizards as Karmik had expected. Karmik scanned the center of the battle he could see Sar fight the enemy leader but he seamed to be loosing is Sar was killed then the army would loose heart Karmik pulled on Hamish�?Ts rain�?Ts pointing him at the tunnel Harmish flew toward the top of the tunnel Karmik opened the chest and grabbed the amulets from within as Harmish flew over the obsidian basin Karmik dropped the amulets into the basin it was close one second ever way and the amulets would have fallen on the ground. Harmish flew up suddenly a ginormous two headed dragon burst out of the clouds its red scales shimmering with obvious magic the rider wielding a huge axe Karmik pulled his axe and his shield from his saddle bag.

�?oHarmish get down and help Sar I�?Tll deal with this thing�?�

With that Karmik leapt of of Hamish�?Ts back and threw him self at the dragon landing on its scale covered back the Chaos champion in the saddle on dragons back leapt out of his saddle and turned to face Karmik his axe held in both hands he charged at Karmik swinging his axe wildly Karmik dodged and rammed his shield into the chaos champions back the champion spun round and began swinging his axe at Karmik who was forced retreat to avoid being killed then the champion broke thou Karmik�?Ts defenses and smashed his axe into Karmik�?Ts shield destroying it and sending Karmik flying backwards of the dragons head Karmik would have died but one of his flailing limbs landed inside one of the dragons mouths. Karmik couldn�?Tt believe what was happening someone had bested him in a axe fight this could not be happening �?othis would not happen�?� was the thought that went thou Karmik�?Ts head he pulled himself up into one of the dragons mouths one he was inside Karmik began swinging his axe at the roof of the mouth soon blood was poring onto his then he felt it a breath the dragon was breathing in! This could only mean one thing it was going to breath fire!.

Karmik swung his arms round the roof of the mouth and began to pull but not fast anuth the fire ball caught his foot setting his trousers on fire and covering him with soot and ash when he emerged from the dragons mouth he looked as if he had been draged thou hell. coved in blood soot and ash and on fire he charged at the chaos champion who was in his saddle the champion reacted quickly he didn�?Tt have time to block the strike so he swung his axe at Karmik hoping Karmik would block instead of hitting the champion he was roung. Karmik took the blow his amour protected him from the worst of it but he felt a couple of ribs crack but his axe made contact with the champions neck severing the head and the body Karmik had no time to rest he set about with his axe at the dragons necks.

Sar was not doing good the enemy general was a skilled fighter there was no way Sar could win but he kept on fighting his Taurus had been killed and half of the bull centaurs were dead baring some miracle they were all going to die. Miracles come in all shapes and sizes this one came in the form of Harmish the great Taurus swooping down from the sky and charging the chaos general in the shoulder with one of his horns his nock the generals arm back and Sar was able to deal a crippling blow to the enemy general with Harmish on there side Sar and the bull centaurs were able to kill the chaos knights and charge strait into a unit of marauder who they routed.

Slamik pulled another spear from the pile and threw it at a marauder things had been going well until a unit of chaos chosen had spotted Slamik and his unit now the wolf rider�?Ts were surrounded by enemies and fighting for there lives Slamik and the lat six wolf rider and the last wolf Slamik�?Ts had formed a ring surrounding a small pile of spears they had but they were loosing Slamik cut down another chaos warrior then he heard a howl from his left and was his wolf go down with a knights lance in him Slamik was infuriated he leapt forward and jabbed a spear into the knights face then he heard a roar from above but he didn�?Tt have time the wonder what had roared another chaos warrior appeared Slamik threw the spear at him and grabbed another one the warrior dodged the throw spear but didn�?Tt notice the one in Slamik�?Ts hands unit it was to late suddenly something fell from the sky and the something was killing the chaos warriors in droves only when the enemy retreated that Slamik recognized the flaming blood soaked figer as Karmik.

Karmik was happy to see Slamik but they had no time for pleasantries the enemy was retreating but they were gathering on a small hill and reorganizing themselves then the sky was light up with fire ass ball of fire flew from the tunnel to the enemy burning them soon the enemy was encircled by a wall of fire Karmik turned to Slamik.

�?oHow did they finish so fast it should have taken them another ten minutes minimum�?�

�?oThat was me boss the warband was devoted to the blood god they hate magic and some of them get anti-magic runes burned onto there bodies me and my unit were grabbing the ones with the runes and tying to the tunnel to help the sorcerers�?�

�?oGood idea now lets get back to base you look like you could do with a drink�?�

�?oI need a drink but you�?Tre coved in mud soot ash and blood I�?Tm not doing anything with you till you�?Tve had a bath�?�

�?oVery funny�?�

I would love some feedback please.


Story two part one.

Warmch was lounging in his tent on one of his sofas looking at the map the first group of scouts had made it was crudely drawn but still well done by hobgoblin standards Warmch rolled up the map when a sharp knock resounded throughout the tent Warmch stood up and said in his deep gravely voice, �?oEnter.�?�

A large, burly Chaos Dwarf entered the tent. He looked a lot like Warmch but he had more belly and his beard was black.

�?oThe scouts have returned. They say they found a large group of caves but they said there was already something in one.�?�

�?oI will lead a force into the cave. Keep the main body of the troops here I will take a dozen Immortals with me. Get to Slamish to follow with a group of miners and engineers if these cave will do as a base then we need to start work strait away�?�

�?oI will go inform the troops now the Immortals should be ready in five minutes sir�?�

With that the dwarf left Warmch turned to a mirror his face was dark and battle scarred but his beard was a flaming orange he pulled his hammer from the rack at the end of his bed pulled his suit of armour on and placed his gromial helmet on his head he turned and looked at the painting that sat just above the head of his bed it was of three male dwarfs one was Warmch he wondered what his brothers were up to now Karmik was probably slaying daemons and Felimch was most likely working on a covert attack team. Warmch pulled him self out of his daydream and walked out side his tent the area were the army had camped was on the side of a small wood there were a dozen chaos dwarfs covered head to toe in black armour with vicious looking �?~s. Warmch nodded to the Immortals who followed him after walking for five minutes they arrived at a area of hill the hills quickly became mountains but Warmch and his group did not need to go that far they began looking for a cave they found one after a few minutes Warmch gathered his team around him.

�?oOk team we need to map the caves make sure you get every nook and cranny if there are any enemies inside kill don�?Tt capture understood�?�

The Immortals nodded Warmch pulled a red piece of cloth from his bag and tied it to a rock marking the cave entrance. Warmch and the group entered the cave it was dark and dank the group soon split up Warmch and one of the Immortals went deeper into the mountain soon they came to a corridor that ended in a blank stone wall but they could here the sound of pickaxes on the other side. Warmch turned to the Immortal.

�?oGet the mining team here. I�?Tll hold them of get an engineer as well�?�

Warmch pulled his shield from his back and prepared to fight what ever was hacking at the over side of the rock wall after ten minutes a crack appeared in the wall then another one and another until the wall collapsed completely and all group of raged looking humans tumbled thou the hole.

�?oSir please help us the Skaven have taken use prisoner please help us�?�

Warmch had to resist killing the humans on sight he replied in the crude speak of the natives of this land.

�?oI will but we need to wait for help bar the door to the room�?�

�?oBut sir there is a guard there he is fully armed�?�

�?oI will deal with him�?�

With that Warmch stepped past the humans. Pulling a small pistol from his belt he followed the roughly hewn corridor then he came into a large room with a Skaven guarding the door Warmch fired one shot then he crossed the room and bared the door. When he returned to the humans he heard footsteps coming from the side of the cave he had entered from after a few minutes of waiting the Immortal turned up with four miners and an engineer they all looked from Warmch to the humans and back again.

�?oThey are with me now we need to blow the tunnel get some explosives and set them up along the sides of the wall�?� The miners and engineer set to work Warmch turned to the humans and spoke to them in there language.

�?oWe need to blow the tunnel to stop anyone following us get some explosives from the others and cover the room with them�?T

The humans ran to the miners and grabbed handfuls of explosives then they rushed into the room were the Skaven guard�?Ts body was as soon as they were gone Warmch turned to the engineer.

�?oAre we ready to go?�?�

�?oYes sir�?�

�?oThen blow the dame things up�?�

The engineer the miners and Warmch retreated along the tunnel past the lines of explosives once they were a safe distance away the engineer pulled a small box from his jacket flipped the lid �?ohasta la vista baby�?� and hit the button.


The explosives detonated in a huge inferno causing tunnel leading to the Skaven base collapsed in on its self with a ground rendering crash.

As the team walked away Warmch asked the engineer.

�?oWere did you get that stupid phrase from anyway?�?�

�?oJust a play I saw, it wasn�?Tt very good nobody liked it�?�

When the group reached the exit to the caves they found all the Immortals gathered there Warmch turned to them.


One of the Immortals stepped forwards.

�?oAll good sir the caves will do nicely as a base also no resistance encountered�?�

�?oOk then we will set up base send a runner back to camp. however make sure everyone knows that we are to not mine of the east side there is a network of Skaven cave that way and any hint of the Skaven moving this way is to be reported strait away�?�

�?oYes sir�?�.

It had been weeks since the base had been set up. Warmch sat in his study it was really a large cave covered in tapestries and animal furs, with the painting of Warmch and his brothers behind the oak desk.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

�?oCome in�?�

A human slave entered he was one of the ones they had captured in there latest raid against the Bretonnians. The peasants were weakly defended but made poor slaves since there were inbreed and stunted however they made good messengers since few of then could read.

�?oSir Master. High torturer Kar wishes to see something about the prisoner the army captured when they were attacked by the Bretonnians he awaits you in the meeting chamber�?�

�?oInform him I will be there momentarily also tell him Brakk karr na�?�

�?oYes my lord�?�

The slaves ran from the chamber Warmch couldn�?Tt suppress a grin the slave had no idea but the message Warmch had told him the pass on translated into the human tongue as.

�?oIf this is secret kill the slave�?�

The slave had signed its own death warrant.

Warmch Arrived in the meeting room as a pair of hobgoblins dragged the dead slave�?Ts body out of the chamber he entered to see high torturer Kar sitting at the table with Slamish the two looked up as Warmch entered Warmch took his seat made of solid stone it was almost a throne.

�?oWell what about this creature?�?�

Kar pulled a few peaces of paper from the seat next to him and passed two to Warmch and two to Slamish.

�?oThis is all the info we have on the dark elves they are a breakaway group from the high elves they are lead by Malkith and his mother Morthie the second sheet contain all the info we have on a group called shades. They act as scouts for the dark elves they are good at it. Better then hobgoblins at least�?�

�?oAnd what interested is this to us?�?�

�?oThe creature we captured is a dark elf shade he is willing to work for us he is nothing special but we need every fighter we have�?�

Slamish hade been silently reading the paper when he chirped in.

�?onot just that but he would make a good scout the hobgoblin�?Ts are ok for short rang but they get caught if they tri and follow a caravan to map its root�?�

�?oSounds good set him up with a few fake chances to betray us to test his allegiance then get him following Caravans not important ones but the ones hobgoblins get caught on�?�

�?oYes sir�?�

With that both Slamish and Kar left the meeting room to return to there duties Warmch stayed behind to finish reading the paper.

These dark elves are an interesting lot very interesting a nock at the door pulled him out of his thoughts.


A hobgoblin messenger rushed into the room.

�?oSir Master the reinforcements are under attack one of my boyz saw a human army attacking them the humans have lots of knights sir what are we going to do?�?�

�?�gather a army Get Slamish also gather a group of scrapers for afterwards we need everything that army is bringing and more.

Warmch met Slamish by the cave entrance Slamish was already chanting when Warmch tapped him on the shoulder.

�?oLet�?Ts go�?�

Warmch felt the ground jerk beneath his feat then suddenly he and Slamish were standing on a cliff top over looking a battle between the reinforcements and a group of Bretonnian knights. God I hate travelling by magic still when I need to get somewhere fast. Warmch pulled his pistol from its holster and placed the scope on it as he did this Slamish began chanting it was a different chant this one radiated heat.

Slamish stopped chanting and a huge ball of fire burst from his hand it flew towards the knights however the fire ball slowed half way flickered and then diapered.

�?oWhat happened?�?�

Slamish was looking puzzled then pulled out his telescope pointed it and one of the units of knight and handed it to Warmch.

�?oSee the lady it was here theirs three of them I cant break thou the magical protection by my self�?�

�?oLet me deal with her�?�

Warmch put his pistol scope to his eye and fired the built was enchanted it was his best pistol but the built disappeared just before it hit the lady Warmch fired again and again but he knew it was useless then enchantment on his piston meant that the bullet was magical which meant magical defences stopped it and he had left his standard piston back at the caves.

Then a black fetched bolt flew out of nowhere! it hit lady square in the chest. Warmch scanned the cliff each for this mysterious ally then he spotted a elf clad all in back with his crossbow out the elf fired again and a third time Warmch followed the bolts each stuck into the chest of a different lady.

Warmch turned to Slamish who had his telescope out and was looking at the elf also.

�?oWho is he?�?�

Slamish lowered his telescope and looked at Warmch he had a huge grin on his face.

�?oThat that is the elf we grabbed I sent him on a mission just before the messenger arrived�?�

�?oWhat here?�?�

�?oNo I sent him to follow some elf traders still I�?Tm not complaining�?�

Slamish then began chanting his body started to pulse with unnatural energy as he harnessed the chaotic winds of magic when he was about to explode with energy he released it conjuring a wall of solid fire that leapt up between the Bretonnian front line and the reinforcements front line the wall then began to bend and flow to block arrows from the Bretonnian peasants.

Warmch pulled out his pistol again and started taking shots at the leaders of each unit of knights. Soon the knight noticed Warmch and Slamish. a unit of them armed with huge two handed swords instead of the standard lance charged towards Warmch and Slamish shouting there battle cries to the heavens Slamish turned his power upon them easily roasting them in there own armour.

However as soon as Slamish turned his attention towards the knight the wall of fire disappeared and the Bretonnians surged forwards!

Kar really wanted to be torturing the High elf trader they had captured but duty called since with Warmch and Slamish gone Kar was in charge of gathering the army to help the reinforcements. Soon the troop were ready two dozen hobgoblin wolf riders lead by one of there chieftains fifty standard chaos dwarf warriors with axes and shields a dozen Immortals with there traditional sixty hobgoblins with an assortment of clubs hammers axes and swords and two scraper teams each consisting of four hobgoblins a cart and a dozen slaves.

Kar finished his inspection of the troops with a nod and they began the march god I hope they can hold out till we arrive as the army marched Kar pulled his favourite whip from his belt and started lazily beating any hobgoblin that came within distance this was a good way keeping them moving since only the slow ones would come in reach of Kar�?Ts whip.

Kar kept the army at a gruelling pace it would normally take them three hours to get to the pass Kar intended to do it in one after a hour and a quarter they arrived at the entrance to the pass Kar signalled for the hobgoblin wolf riders to charge in strait away while the rest of the army caught there breath.

Slamish could feel it his toes felt frozen and dead he has used more power in the last hour in the last four months.

The sorcerers curse was moving faster due to the large amount of power he had used most of which he normally used to fight the sorcerers curse still he couldn�?Tt stop now.

He looked out upon the carnage he and Warmch had cased. Half the Bretonnian army way dead the reinforcements were now held up safe I some caves fighting the remaining Bretonnian knight still a dame lot more to kill before were done Slamik turned to Warmch who was covered in wounds both minor and major Warmch stood surrounded by the bodies of Bretonnian knights.

�?oI have power another for one last spell any preferences old friend�?�

�?oYes one that will get us home we are no longer needed the cavalry have arrived�?�

Warmch was pointing toward the back end of the pass were the Bretonnian peasants has stood before Slamik had burned them to a crisp they could both see something riding towards them soon they could make out individual rider it was a group of hobgoblins and behind them marching with grim determination Kar and a unit of Immortals.

�?oHome we go my friend home we go�?�

With that Slamik waved his arms causing him and Warmch to be teleported back to the base the fight was over but now the Bretonnian�?Ts were aware of there true power.

Same as last I am hoping for lots of feedback.


Nothing, no responses what do people think can I please get some feedback since I have jet to have someone who plays warhammer (never mind Chaos dwarfs) respond to these.

Thommy H:

Okay, I’ve read the first part. There’s a couple of pretty basic technical and grammatical problems, for one thing. I know it’s annoying to be picked up on spelling and grammar, but it’s really hard to get into a story when words like “decision” are spelt wrong. Write on Word to avoid things like this. You also need to get your head around how to use commas and semi-colons, because right now your sentences aren’t structured. Something like “Karmik looked at the building site it was covered in slaves busily working on the tunnel” just doesn’t scan right - you need some punctuation in there, or it reads like someone is saying it very fast. It’s hard to enjoy a story when it sounds like someone is breathlessly yelling it at you!

As for the story itself, it’s fine. Stuff happens and it makes sense. But there’s no atmosphere or sense of tension. The characters are just names, and the locations are just places. You need to put some descriptions in there - you actually go the opposite way to most fantasy writers (who follow Tolkien’s lead and stuff their work with masses of pointless flowery description), but a happy medium is desirable. I have no idea where Karmik is, what he’s like or why he’s doing any of the stuff he does. That means I don’t care about him, and that means the story is just a description of some events.

I recommend you go back to basics. Start with short descriptions of everyday events instead of complex narratives. Learn how to create interesting characters and dialogue that flows before you start tackling guys flying around on monsters. Practice makes perfect, as always.