[Archive] The Legend of Lord Kvackd'up - Episodes 1 & 2


Lord Kvackd’up had the usual inbred air of superiority that all Dawi Zharr have.
Added to this normal arrogance was an unusally elevated belief that he could tame and ride anything in existance.
To this day he still does believe

Rules = I have to have the model of his mount made / painted for each written piece of his legend.

Episode 1 = Lord Kvack’dup and the Seige Giant
Episode 2 = Lord Kvack’dup and the Wheels of the Devil
Episode 3 = … coming sometime in 2017




    It was a perfect plan, no crowding into the siege towers or running up to the walls and having to clamber up scaling ladders. He’d trained this slave from when they’d first captured it from the stupid green skins. He’d been one of the masters fitting the armour to it, physically driving the rivets that held the iron plates on, deep into the brutes flesh. It was his to do with as he pleased and when as a last step, he’d pierced its cheeks for a barbed bridle and bit he had achieved complete control over it.

    The battle was going as usual, the troops massing to assault the walls, siege rams just now beginning to smash into the gates and cannons blazing great holes across the town when the order came. The siege giants lumbered forward at the commands of their handlers. Most of whom raced along behind the brutes, prodding and goading them forward. But Lord Kvackd’up rode his into the battle from the maddened slaves back, hanging onto the reins like he would for any other unruly mount.

    The giant crashed into the wall, gouging and tearing at the battlements with the brutal weapons fixed to its arms, killing and scattering the defenders as it had been trained to do. Kvackd’up then leapt up onto the battlements himself to take the fight to them personally. At this point the Giant had lost sight of all his previous targets and was just busy breaking stuff having reverted to mindless brute. Then suddenly through half blinded eyes he saw a tiny figure appear. With glee it reached forward and with his massive hand grabbed the figure and hurled it over its shoulder into the army behind him as it used to do back in the days when his masters were green.

    Kvackd’up woke up in the infirmary, no memory what so ever of what had happened today or indeed the last week. The battle was now long over.


Brilliant conversion love the chain skirt! And the story was also very well done. Great ending, completely cracked me up. Had to read it through a couple times.


Thanks Jack. Its just some fun fluff I’ve had in my head for a while now.


This is turning into a great fun story. Next instalment please, maestro! :smiley:

It’s on skateboard, right?


all around a fun read! A great story for a great model :hat off


Episode 2. LORD KVACKD’UP  and the WHEELS of the DEVIL


The lands that the Rust Mountains clan controlled had a small secret.   Not a totally hidden secret especially from the Ruling Lords in far Zharr Nagrund.   But most of the Dawi Zharr empire didn’t know and if the truth be known probably wouldn’t care if they did know.   Having an unstable chaos portal in your backyard, even one as small as this one was, isn’t really a selling point for any piece of real estate.

Nothing major had ever been known to have emerged.   Nothing that had ever tried to go through it from this end had made it either.  Whatever was pushed into always got shredded and spat back out.   It was a one way portal from Hashut knew where.   From it emerged strange beings at times but more often than not, just the remains of them.  Those that did emerge tended to invariably be warriors or fighters at the peak of their prowess and in the main made very poor slaves but excellent gladiators for the fighting arenas.  Those that survived the initial contact with their new masters that is.   The clan had set up a fortress ring near the head of the ravine the portal resided in, manned by Hellsmiths and warriors.

One incident of little note was the emergence of a strange out sized human, riding a wheeled board.  He had no weapons and by report appeared dismayed when faced with cold steel.  But whilst he was backing away from the advancing warriors, he picked up the contraption he had been riding.  Witnesses stated he appeared to change his demeanor completely from terrified to exhilarated, and ran away.  Once he had some speed up he leaped upon his board and attempted to escape.  From all reports the ensuing pursuit gave the human male immense amusement.  He skimmed across wall edges, jumped down steps, doing all sorts of odd maneuvers. Often it appeared that the board followed underneath his feet without being attached and all the time the strange being was shouting with glee and taunting his pursuers.

The apparent circus ended when a squad of blunderbusses had had enough and brought the intruder down with a crashing volley.   The board itself was seized and given to the Hellsmith’s for evaluation.   It was made of strange materials, curved up at both ends with for small wheels.  No decipherable runic devices could be found but it was decorated with a daemon type face, flames and gaming cubes.   The dice and face at times became animated especially when more destructive methods of examination were applied, all of them unsuccessful.  One of the only things the face said were “I am Satan, the King of Hades”.  No tomes revealed any references at all to this Satan creature or this Hades he spoke of.  The final conclusion was that he was a minor daemon from some odd place and of no use to the clan.  The item was then thrown in a storeroom and forgotten.

Year’s later stories of the object reached the ears of young Lord Kvackd’up.   And after badgering the halls hierarchy they gave him the useless item just to be rid of him.   For days the Lord was seen to be sailing down the halls at great speeds causing numerous complaints from many clan members.   The final straw appeared to have been when Lord Kvackd’up came down a ramp near the temple precinct.   He had his hat on backwards, laughing loudly and called people ‘Dude’, right up to the point where he crashed into the Captain of the Temple Guardians and lost control of the riding implement.   The Bull Centaur was justifiably annoyed and began trampling the board with all his might.  The incarcerated being in the board continued laughing all the while until it got thumped by the Captains heavily runed Hammer.  The being known as satan appeared stunned and the enraged bull grabbed the board, marched into the temple and disdainfully threw it into temple fires.

Without the contaminating influence of the now disintegrated artifact, Kvackd’up slowly regained the proper composure that is the true nature of a Dawi Zharr Lord.
And no one ever spoke of it again…at least not within his hearing.


A good laugh fitting to such a miniature! :cheers

This has the style of Terry Pratchett. You might enjoy reading Soul Music and Moving Pictures.