[Archive] Parody fable written by a friend of mine


Once upon a time, there was a feastsmaster who prepared the meals for all the high lords of Zharr. Renowned was he, for he could prepare tuskgor and human alike to the exacting specifications of his masters. Such was his fame that he was chosen to prepare the ritual sacrifices for High Hashut at the celebratory feast at the return of Sorcerer-Prophet Kasshurbandruphandrophubal the Unpetrified, who had ventured into the Hinterlands of Khuresh to procure the rarest and most mystifying of creatures to be offered to the Father of Darkness.

Yet as he was flensing the skin of a snake-woman an apparition appeared before him.

“My hunger is monstrous, and I see before me blood and gristle to wet my appetite”, the apparition spoke.

“What are thou?” exclaimed the feastsmaster. "Are thou sent by mighty Hashut?"

One could forgive the feastsmaster for mistaking the apparition as such, for it was monstrous in size and girth. Tusked and bristling it was, surrounded by the charnel stench of a thousand raw carcasses.

"No. I am the Monsterpig, and I eat what I want, and I want what I eat. I will devour this feast, and you, and anything else I want. I do this because I am fat, and my hunger is never sated. I am the Monsterpig, and your only purpose is to grovel in the lard before I devour you whole. Fat. Death. Hunger. These are all things, and now they come for you."

And High Hashut went hungry that day, for the Monsterpig feasted upon the feastmaster and all his works.

For such is the fate of those who prepare food for Gods.

Chaos Dwarf fables, which one of my mates wrote. The Monsterpig is an internal joke, since he voluntarily goes by that nickname and similar lardy honours, even though he isn’t particularly big. Thought I’d share in case anyone else found it humorous.


You are never safe anywhere these days.


Very amusing. To be honest, if you switched Monsterpig for a less silly name, it’d actually work as a CD fable played straight :wink: