[Archive] Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks [Reader Discretion Is Adviced]

Archive [Archive] Off-Topic Discussion
1

Admiral:

The reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks to the Turkish Sultan is a famous piece of historical correspondence, which may or may not have happened.

First, the Ottoman letter to the troublesome Cossacks:

Sultan Mehmed IV to the Zaporozhian Cossacks:

As the Sultan; son of Muhammad; brother of the sun and moon; grandson and viceroy of God; ruler of the kingdoms of Macedonia, Babylon, Jerusalem, Upper and Lower Egypt; emperor of emperors; sovereign of sovereigns; extraordinary knight, never defeated; steadfast guardian of the tomb of Jesus Christ; trustee chosen by God Himself; the hope and comfort of Muslims; confounder and great defender of Christians - I command you, the Zaporogian Cossacks, to submit to me voluntarily and without any resistance, and to desist from troubling me with your attacks.

- Turkish Sultan Mehmed IV

Mehmed IV
To which the Zaporozhian Cossacks answered:
Zaporozhian Cossacks to the Turkish Sultan!

O sultan, Turkish devil and damned devil’s kith and kin, secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight are thou, that canst not slay a hedgehog with your naked arse? The devil shits, and your army eats. Thou shalt not, thou son of a whore, make subjects of Christian sons; we have no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee, fuck thy mother.

Thou Babylonian scullion, Macedonian wheelwright, brewer of Jerusalem, goat-fucker of Alexandria, swineherd of Greater and Lesser Egypt, pig of Armenia, Podolian thief, catamite of Tartary, hangman of Kamyanets, and fool of all the world and underworld, an idiot before God, grandson of the Serpent, and the crick in our dick. Pig’s snout, mare’s arse, slaughterhouse cur, unchristened brow, screw thine own mother!

So the Zaporozhians declare, you lowlife. You won’t even be herding pigs for the Christians. Now we’ll conclude, for we don’t know the date and don’t own a calendar; the moon’s in the sky, the year with the Lord, the day’s the same over here as it is over there; for this kiss our arse!

- Koshovyi otaman Ivan Sirko, with the whole Zaporozhian Host

- Koshovyi otaman Ivan Sirko, with the whole Zaporozhian Host


Painting by Ilya Repin (1891)

2

Nicodemus:

Wonderfully written! I’ve always been a fan of the older offences. Calling someone a posturing catamite these days, for example, just doesn’t have the effect it used to, bit it’s one I’d love to be able to use outside of gaming.

Thanks for posting! This is great stuff!

3

Uther the unhinged:

Russian literature at its best. Mind you it is a good job they did not have emojis.

4

Nicodemus:

Those are some fine mustaches going on in that painting as well!! That would take some commitment :wink:

5

neZna1ka:

Russian literature at its best.

Uther the unhinged
One problem - Zaporozhian Cossacks and otaman Ivan Sirko from Ukraine ;)
6

Uther the unhinged:

Dang. My ignorance revealed. Hope I haven�?Tt offended anyone.

7

Nicodemus:

Dang. My ignorance revealed. Hope I haven�?Tt offended anyone.

Uther the unhinged
LOL, I read your comment yesterday and barely even engaged my brain... I went away thinking "Hunh, I didn't know any of that was Russian...". Glad some members are alert on here :P :hat off
8

Fuggit Khan:

That’s truly a great reply to the enemy…although my favorite historical wartime reply is still General McAuliffe’s single word reply of “Nuts” during the Battle of the Bulge.

History is so damn awesome. Love it <3