I don’t normally comment on stuff like this at this time in the morning, but here goes.
I consider many of you my friends. Sometimes we can get upset with each other. That happens. Hashut knows I’ve ticked my friends off in the past. I’m not one to judge that.
I don’t like seeing people upset with each other. I can understand why they’re upset, and even feel bad about it and sympathize strongly. I can even acknowledge someone is in the wrong, and other times I’ll say something just needs time and a distraction to move on.
If I was like what I was a little over two years ago, I might have made a scene. Between my experiences at basic, growing up in general (yes, I consider college a big step in that), college itself, and over the last few years developing real and good friendships for the first time I’ve matured a lot. I probably would have reacted a lot worse then I did, I still was careful about how I reacted to that whole situation. I know it upset people. Notice the plural form. It mattered, some people like having a post count as it feels it’s a silent acknowledgment of their involvement in the site. I tend to agree with that. Some people might find the number of slaves they have important. Some might find how many times they participate in Golden Hat important. These are personal views, so it can’t be said if something is silly/right/wrong.
However we as a community seemed to want to move on with this, and that’s a good thing. The GH8 was at a great time as it could give us all a nice pleasant distraction to help us forget all of this. I hope it does help us as a site move on.
Kera I think you’re making a mistake. I’m not talking down to you, I’m talking to you as a fellow member and someone who cares. You’ll feel bad about this, and this will leave a wound open some more. If something upsets you don’t run from it. Go about your life as normal and face it in the eyes. This isn’t one of those times where it forces you to adjust things, it really isn’t.
Even when I (or others) may disagree with decisions by the staff, it is fine for us (in my eyes) to voice our disagreement politely and respectfully. I don’t think for a moment the staff would argue against that, as long as it’s orderly and kept clean and doesn’t detract from the community. However, they also deserve A LOT of respect as they work hard to make this site work. It’s one of the best websites out there. It really is. No other forum community has this kind of draw in my opinion. I don’t hold grudges as we all make mistakes. Besides, with a lot of these ‘tech things’, it only needs a few clicks of the mouse to reverse things if they’re unpopular. The staff and a few others work HARD to get things to work, and it is often a thankless job. Think, before we quip, at what else the person does.
Also to everyone: Let’s try to resolve our problems and realize it is a community. We might have some issues here and there, but address them and don’t let them fester. If you have an issue with someone, pm them and ask “What’s the deal”, but also word it so it’s not attacking… but offering them an out by saying something like “Maybe I misunderstood” or “Maybe you didn’t realize, but…”. In general when having a problem/disagreement, etc… word is so that is clear it’s not an attack or wording it like the above. If people feel you can see an alternate explanation they tend to react a lot better to what you say. Trust me. As they won’t feel the need to get as defensive.
I hope my thoughts help. I’m still waking up, so hopefully they’re not muddled or anything. If you have questions PM me. I want out community to be happy for a people to get along despite some problems they might have with things. I don’t expect perfection, I expect effort… and CDO has effort in abundance. That’s what matters in the long run, as effort allows for adaptation, inclusion, and growth.
I'd rather people discuss this politely on the forum, rather than through rumour and gossip elsewhere.
Some might agree with this stance, some might not. This will get discussed somewhere, and in my view, it might as well be here where people can state the facts.
"It's not just the right of the person who speaks to be heard, it is the right of everyone in the audience to listen and to hear. And every time you silence somebody you make yourself a prisoner of your own action, because you deny yourself the right to hear something."
I'd rather people discuss this politely on the forum, rather than through rumour and gossip elsewhere.
Some might agree with this stance, some might not. This will get discuss somewhere, and in my view, it might as well be here where people can state the facts.
"It's not just the right of the person who speaks to be heard, it is the right of everyone in the audience to listen and to hear. And every time you silence somebody you make yourself a prisoner of your own action, because you deny yourself the right to hear something."
Xander
Xander I totally agree with you - however my point was with regards to the image that this thread sets for new users ot the forum - not sure how you reconcile the need for free speech with managing how new users perceive us - but then I am not a mod ;-)
Don’t understand me wrong. I just don’t want another “decided to leave this forum” topic to appear. Being such a great website we don’t need to show our problems to everyone imho. We should do it outside the website or by PMs.
come on kera u just cant leave the forum, your comments are a big part of this forum and you are really friendly, its not worth leaving over a small argue
This is a great shame. This is the most close-knit internet community I’ve ever come across, and to lose a characterful and well liked member such as Kera feels like more of a loss than it would elsewhere.
This is why I stayed away from the topic in question. Simple things like this never need to turn bad, but they so often do. I’m surprised, and rather confused by Keras choice. I just hope she decides not to stay away.
Besides, I need to know what she’s done with my Skull Pass Slayer.
I just want to say that I´m very sad about Keras decision!
In my opinion she was/is a very important member of this/our community!
She is unique and in her manner more important for the community than most others of us (including myself), even the mods and admins! I hope I phrased it correctly without annoying anyone!
Personally I hope you will reconsider your move, cause with whom should I chat about cannons, ships, rum and so on???
The staf discussed it quite a bit, but since this was all behind closed doors the actual events look a bit different to the regular members. Unfortunately, he went off before we analysed the aftermath, so it is still in a bit of a flux. Part of the reason he left was because of Kera’s distress. The one thing I wanted to avoid was a staff vs member conflict, which is potentially far more destructive for a forum.
All in all, it seems a bit strange. There were no personal attacks, just differences of opinion, and text doesn’t really lend well to how strong those are.
Just looking at the annual awards shows how well like Kera is. let’s hope that there aren’t other issues we don’t know about that are magnifying this issue.
Weighing in more; Thommy is close, but not all the details are known to the members at large. We had been trying to fix things “behind closed doors” as people are suggesting. Suffice of to say it keeps getting dragged back out despite those efforts.
There was no finger pointing at any Staff members despite conotations otherwise,
People can view things anyway they want to, but if they stubbornly refuse to listen or likewise choose to actively believe something that isn’t the case… I don’t really know what to say to that.
Kera… It’s a damn shame you’re leaving, and I wish you the best of luck. You’ve always been one of the more positive members of this community, and one of the things that kept me coming back. It’s attitudes like yours that make this community what it is - or should be.
That said, I personally won’t be considering this anything more than a leave of absence - it’s my hope that you’ll be back before I manage to catch up to your post count!
Kera I’d say take a breather, let all the big emotions settle a bit and when you feel like it come back. I’m quite sure there will be a great many here who will be happy to have our Alpha Female back. Don’t let this being upset one time (no matter how bad it is) ruin all the fun you have at CDO! :hat off
Kera has every right to want to leave. If she decides to come back, we will all welcome her back. And many of us will contact her offline to see how she’s doing. If she decides not to come back, that’s also her decision and we will have to deal with that as well.
I think that when I mentioned that there wasn’t enough ‘publicity’ for a certain vote, I had no idea it would blow up like this. So feel free to lay blame on me if you want to blame someone. I won’t be offended at all. I won’t worry about the blame either.
I heard this in a talk a few years back.
(quote)When we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. And certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else.
You and I cannot control the intentions or behavior of other people. However, we do determine how we will act. Please remember that you and I are agents endowed with moral agency, and we can choose not to be offended.
One of the greatest indicators of our own maturity is revealed in how we respond to the weaknesses, the inexperience, and the potentially offensive actions of others. A thing, an event, or an expression may be offensive, but you and I can choose not to be offended�?"and to say with Pahoran, “it mattereth not.” (close quote)
In the end, we choose what we do. I chose not to be offended as I don’t really feel like giving my agency to someone else. But that’s just me.
Well, I think its a damn shame Kera’s leaving, especially over something that would appear to be (at least on the surface) nothing more than a collection of misunderstandings and slight carelessness :sad
If something upsets you don’t run from it. Go about your life as normal and face it in the eyes. This isn’t one of those times where it forces you to adjust things, it really isn’t.
We’ll welcome Kera back as soon as she returns!