[Archive] Unable to continue projects for now


I lost a very close friend back in 2004 to suicide, so I understand the pain. If you need to talk, you can PM me.

I wish you well, and hope your friendships grow stronger. I’ll keep you in my thoughts.


Good Luck buddy.

This message was automatically appended because it was too short.


The wife of a friend commited suicide a few months ago. Hope you manage to work through this.


Hang in there, buddy. You know we are here to back you up!


Yeah take care mate you know this is the best community on the net and I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say we’re thinking of you and come back soon!


Sad news indeed, mate.

Take all the time you need, so as to get yourself sorted out. It will be tough, but you will get through it, and you know what? We will be here, when you are ready to return.

Good luck mate.


Sad to hear about it. Best of luck. Hard periods eventually end.


Thanks for the support, everyone. I really don’t know what to do anymore. I’m sorry for venting here. I think I’ll just have a huge sale and get rid of all my models and give the money to my family. I don’t really have any friends anymore and I can’t cope with how I feel. I think I’ll go away somewhere. I just can’t think and I feel so alone. I know that you say that you’re there for me but I really don’t think you would be if you knew me. I’m obviously not a nice person. I was born into a multi-million dollar business owned by my parents and yet am the only one who doesn’t want to be a part of it. I moved out, went to uni, passed first year, had to drop out when Granddad passed, and then I’m stuck here. I realise I have no friends, no proper job, I don’t even know my father and my fiancee wants to leave me after her being not too virtuous throughout our relationship.
I know I shouldn’t feel bad for all this because I deserve it. I have done something wrong, even if I don’t know what it was. I was born a bastard and that’s what I turned out to be. I just wish I was someone sometime different. The mental health system in Australia’s absolute rubbish and they treat me as if my condition’s drug-induced (never done drugs) and so I never get effective treatment, just stays in hospitals.
I’m just an unattractive, untalented, penniless man and I really have to wonder what my point is. I don’t think I have one.
Mods, feel free to delete this - I just needed to get this out.
I’m sorry for my time here and the whining I brought. I’ll still post out all the models I’m selling once the payment comes through.
I wish you all the best.


I have experience of similar problems among some people I know. I don’t know you or your situation, but I can still give some advice that may or may not be accurate:

Since you currently seem to feel that you’re nothing, you’ve to make yourself feel you’re something. Take a long ponder on what you’d like to work with - what are you good at, what do you like to do? Don’t aim too high for a starter. E.g: Would an industrial job suit you? Then search for such works and educational programs tied to industry.

But most importantly, you might want to start one or two projects for yourself, to keep you occupied with something of value to yourself. The first should be a creative project. Say, write a book. You already have shown a writing vein here on CDO. Writing a book may not only give you a means of ventilation or distraction, but may also be a good way to catch a dark period for something constructive, like sails catching wind. A lot of good authors have written some of their best works in periods of depression or inner upheaval.

The second should be a project of self-improvement, that lets you know that you achieve something with yourself. This can range from reading up on history or physics from books loaned from the library (reading is usually a good way to soothe inner pain); through sporty activities like running half an hour every day (being outdoors and being active is very important to human health); helping neighbours or visiting family; learning to play flute or gitarre; standing a bit straighter with the back; to doing genealogical studies or just trying to be kinder, more polite and more social towards others. It may very well be a mix of these, or other activites of course.

Just some thoughts, it’s important to get some perspective on stuff. Best of luck, I hope you’ll come to terms with your situation and find a way forward that suits you, a way which may bring you a decent job, friends and a family of your own.

Hashut’s Blessing:

Honestly, from the way that you talk on the forums, you are creative and gifted. You have never come across as being horrid in any way. When a lot of bad stuff happens, we often blame ourselves for it - that can create a self-destructive cycle where because you feel like it’s because of you that things haven’t gone well, you make others not go well and then blame yourself for them too.

As has been said, focus on some fun and/or creative projects. You could return to university and complete your course, for example. Don’t blame yourself and if you genuinely feel that you can improve yourself somewhere, figure out how and do it.

Lastly, this is purely coincidental, but why not return to your Warhammer projects: clearly they’ve made you happy in the past, it’s a creative endeavour with visible results afterwards, everyone loves to see your stuff afterwards and it gives you a chance to play some games with people getting you back to socialising and making some new friends. A rule that I live by is that if they don’t like me, I’ll find someone who does.

We fall so that we may learn how to pick ourselves up.

We learn so that we find out about ourselves.


Thankyou again everyone - I can’t say how much it means that people who have never met me would take the time out of their days to help me with this.

Well, today I walked. Not purely for exercise and not in any direction. I just walked and watched. I saw families with young children. I saw some parents yelling at their children when they were nagging, and yet I saw others who seemed more than relieved when their child stopped walking towards the gate, or another persons’ dog, or the road. I saw different people handling life differently. In the few parents I saw that raised their hand against their children I felt pity for the child and saw myself in them. I said a silent prayer for them and hoped all would be well.

I walked around my friends’ memorial and placed the biggest bunches of flowers I could get from my family’s business. I stood and shuddered as a train thundered passed and imagined in all honesty what courage she would have had to take that final step.

I left, and returned to attempt to patch things up with my fiancee. I think it might work out but she’s not sure how she feels. I took her to the movies and we saw Bad Teacher. Not the best of movies, or the most meaningful, but it felt just like our first date years ago. I liked it.

I walked around the shops, and listened as an old man talked about his life, and was met by his granddaughter and her boyfriend. I smiled as I remembered my old Grandfather through him, and how he’d raised me to be how I am. He didn’t raise me to be a quitter and I don’t think I will be anymore. He’d seen such horrible things in his lifetime and had to kill for his country - something he cried about nearly everyday, and yet he was always cheerful, always friendly, known around our small town for always getting the door for women of all ages, and wearing his grey suit with an alternating flamboyant tie. He was so much more of a human being than I’d be by giving up now.

I may never know who my father is, or have a family that truly understands or expresses love to me but I still have memories, and the motivation to live how he wishes he could have lived to see me.

I think I’ll do a St Johns paramedicine course and help people that way. I’d like to be an ambulance driver. Even though the sight of my friend after the train took her sickened me, I could handle it and I could help. I think I should put that to good use by helping others.

I’m doing a giant clean-up of me and my partners house and donating or removing everything I don’t need. I’m setting up a proper gaming/modelling area with a cozy chair that I can sleep and read in and that will be my place. I bought the current 40k rulebook which I intend to read through once I get mentioned chair.

I intend on weekly dates with my partner even though our schedules are usually full.

I intend on living and I intend on bringing a family into this world and to raise them with the love my parents gave me, rather than hide from what happened.

I’ll still post updates and try to be a more active member. I learnt a lot on my day-long walk and I feel I should put that to action.

Thanks for helping me sort myself out everyone, it means a lot to me. Thankyou for posting here, PMing me and emailing me. You’re all wonderful people that I have the privilege of knowing.



I think I'll just have a huge sale and get rid of all my models and give the money to my family.
Woah there, let's not do anything crazy!
I know I shouldn't feel bad for all this because I deserve it. I have done something wrong, even if I don't know what it was. I was born a bastard and that's what I turned out to be.
Rubbish. You decide who you are. How can you call yourself a bastard or a bad person deserving of punishment when there are so many more worthy candidates in the world? Are you a genocidal warlord, a corrupt politician, or even a domineering office manager? No. You're not even a level 1 Bastard. So stop whining ;)
I'm just an unattractive, untalented, penniless man and I really have to wonder what my point is. I don't think I have one.
Then make one up. I did. Find what you want to do, and then do it.
EDIT: Looks like you already have, so I'll shut up now.


You have been on quite a emotional journey, something I think is important for you to realise is that right now you are thinking about things a [/u] more than you will through most of your life.

It will not seem to you perhaps that you are doing this, but from losing my Mum I knew at the time that I was on the emotional rollercoaster because the nature of my thoughts changed significantly.  


It seems you’re on the right track now after that long walk. That’s the spirit. Best of luck, especially with your future family!

As a side note, I can say that this hobby is valuable for enduring harsh times. (There’s a sh-tload of idiotry during teenage school years, including dumb stuff done by people who actually knew better when they’re younger children, and probably will know better when they’re older). So keep to the toys. :stuck_out_tongue:

Hashut’s Blessing:

I’m very pleased to read that your walk was so insightful. It’s sometimes all too easy to forget the factors that affect us and how revealing a simple stroll can be. As said, you are thinking things through far more strongly than under normal circumstances would make you and it’s impressive to find you coming to such well-thought conclusions after the wander.

Glad you’re doing better and have got yourself some plans.


As is your stepping in the right direction. Do the saint Johnies course and see how that goes. Being a paramedic is not all the big bad stuff but there can be a lot of it. I joined because I wanted to help people as a career and that was as a big change for me. It is worthwhile but please as Grim said, take your time before jumping in with big decisions


Good that you are clearing your head. Life has a unpleasant way of throwing us curveballs all the time. The trick is to take them and roll with them.

I say this as someone who had a horrific 2010. On top of that I was a Fireman for 13 years… You end up seeing lots of Gnarley stuff.


Well, I haven’t posted in here for quite a while (a month I think) and I thought I’d update you.

I’ve been working full-time again in the last two weeks and have reconciled with my partner. We’re getting married on the 14th February next year and I honestly couldn’t be happier :smiley:

Thankyou to everyone for posting support and heartfelt advice - it really did help me move on with my life and put it all into perspective so thankyou a lot!

I’ve started my own business with my partner, whereby I purchase my family’s “second grade” flowers (not as bad as the “third grade” florists get so still quite nice) and do them up to sell on Sundays. This makes about a profit of $200-1000 in a weekend and will be funding the upcoming weekend, so it’s well worth the 4am starts! It also may have helped fund my recent scenery collection I built for 40k, but that’s another story…

I just wanted to let you know that while I still have the lows I feel more alive now than I have in a long, long time, and I feel my life is going somewhere. So thankyou all for your help and for being here for me.

Kindest regards,



Hashut’s Blessing:

Sincerely deeply pleased to hear that everything seems to be on the up! Feels like it has less meaning without more words, but I do truly mean it.


That’s fine - I know words have less meaning but I still understand your sentiment and am thankful for it :slight_smile:

Bought the wedding dress yesterday, and have all organised save for my suit and catering (which I shall get closer to the date)

Oh, and a place to honeymoon :smiley: