Sulphur Rising [WHFB]

So I’m writing a little fanfic about my chaos dwarf host. I am by no means a author so there may be some things done badly but I’ll be happy to hear any feedback. Here is chapter 1 of my fanfic, Sulphur Rising.

Chapter 1

The land was as grey as blasted stone and as lifeless as cold steel. The Plain of Zharr would have been one of many areas in the Darklands that wouldn’t have any life but unknown to many, there was life. A grand civilisation of twisted and malicious dwarfs, the Chaos Dwarfs or the Dawi-Zharr. Of the many of them living in the Plain of Zharr, Uzkalar Sulphorsk was one of them.

He belonged to a family of power in Zharr-Naggrund where his grandfather, the Sorcerer-Prophet Khullar oversees the house Sulphorsk in the Temple of Hashut whilst working for the cabal of Sorcerer-Prophets leading the Chaos Dwarfs. Uzkalar may not manipulate the winds of magic as the more prestigious members in his family, but he is handy with a great hammer and often lead the forefront of minor raiding parties. But as of now he lies in his fort Unngran in the western area of the Plain of Zharr. “Any news yet?” questioned Uzkalar as he glanced over at the small greenskin arriving through the door. “They have been welcomed at the gates now master” the hobgoblin replied as he immediately left the room. Uzkalar rose to his feet as he then made himself presentable for guests had arrived.
The hall was vast with smooth marble slabs for the tables with smaller ones acting as stools with leather cushions on the top. At the end was Uzkular’s chair, a darkened marble throne laced with a darkened steel that’s been painted to look metallic blue. Soon the guests had arrived, and from Uzkular’s sight he could see members of his family and what seemed to be some strange human clad in black armour. “Honoured family and friend should I say?” he welcomed as they made their way to the table. He saw his uncle give gestures to what seemed to be his cousins, he presumed, clad in blood red armour with masks covering their faces. The human walked behind his beloved uncle scanning the room, it was clear that he had never been in any building made by the Dawi-Zharr. However, something was bugging Uzkular, he expected his brother and father but his uncle and cousins? They were part of the Legion of Azgorgh and he knew that if they were involved in anything there would be high risks involved and high rewards. “Uz, I know it may be a shock to you, but we did not meet just for talking about what we’ve done since last we met, it’s more of a main problem that we need to work on right now” his uncle said as he sat down on the stool, “You know that right?”. Uzkular nodded in agreement as he reached out for his seat to sit down, his eyes removing themselves off the human and onto his uncle. “So, what is the main reason for the visit then?” Uzkalar prompted. “A big one” his uncle replied.

8 Likes

A great start! I look forward to seeing more!

2 Likes

I quite enjoyed it! It’s always nice to see more commanders in the Darklands joining the grand narrative.

If there’s one thing I’d suggest, it’s using line breaks in between dialogue and narrative text. I hope you don’t mind, but I reformatted your first chapter below as an example of that:

Summary

He belonged to a family of power in Zharr-Naggrund where his grandfather, the Sorcerer-Prophet Khullar oversees the house Sulphorsk in the Temple of Hashut whilst working for the cabal of Sorcerer-Prophets leading the Chaos Dwarfs. Uzkalar may not manipulate the winds of magic as the more prestigious members in his family, but he is handy with a great hammer and often lead the forefront of minor raiding parties. But as of now he lies in his fort Unngran in the western area of the Plain of Zharr.

“Any news yet?” questioned Uzkalar as he glanced over at the small greenskin arriving through the door.

“They have been welcomed at the gates now master” the hobgoblin replied as he immediately left the room. Uzkalar rose to his feet as he then made himself presentable for guests had arrived.

The hall was vast with smooth marble slabs for the tables with smaller ones acting as stools with leather cushions on the top. At the end was Uzkular’s chair, a darkened marble throne laced with a darkened steel that’s been painted to look metallic blue. Soon the guests had arrived, and from Uzkular’s sight he could see members of his family and what seemed to be some strange human clad in black armour.

“Honoured family and friend should I say?” he welcomed as they made their way to the table. He saw his uncle give gestures to what seemed to be his cousins, he presumed, clad in blood red armour with masks covering their faces.

The human walked behind his beloved uncle scanning the room, it was clear that he had never been in any building made by the Dawi-Zharr. However, something was bugging Uzkular, he expected his brother and father but his uncle and cousins? They were part of the Legion of Azgorgh and he knew that if they were involved in anything there would be high risks involved and high rewards.

“Uz, I know it may be a shock to you, but we did not meet just for talking about what we’ve done since last we met, it’s more of a main problem that we need to work on right now” his uncle said as he sat down on the stool, “You know that right?”.

Uzkular nodded in agreement as he reached out for his seat to sit down, his eyes removing themselves off the human and onto his uncle. “So, what is the main reason for the visit then?” Uzkalar prompted.

“A big one” his uncle replied.

3 Likes

Ah thank you very much I’ll keep that in mind when i next do the writing, appreciate it

2 Likes