[Archive] Feeling well bad,



It’s weird giving such harsh advice over the internet, but leave her now. She is emotionally broken and you can’t fix her. The longer you stay with her the longer the pain will last. And when she leaps on you for goodbye sex and you can’t say no, use protection! This is based on similar experiences about people I know.

Thommy H:


No, seriously - it’s clear from what you’ve said that you’re in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. For your safety, for your sanity, you need to have the courage to pack up and leave. I’m an absolutist when it comes to things like this - I’m not saying some things aren’t worth working hard for, and all relationships involve a certain amount of compromise and so on, but if you’re not enjoying it, if it isn’t fun…why bother?

It isn’t going to be easy. You mentioned children - are they hers too? If kids are involved, that makes everything a lot more complicated, of course. I’m hoping, because you’re newly married, that they’re from a previous relationship. The thought of this person being a mother is pretty terrifying in and of itself.

One thing I think you need to start doing is being honest with your family. You need their support. It’s easier to spill your guts to an anonymous group of people online than it is to people you know in real life, but they need to hear all this too. You need to build a support network so that, when you decide to leave - and one way or another, I think that you will eventually - you have a place to go and people to look after you.

There are no easy solutions, but admitting that there’s an issue, that you perhaps made a big mistake marrying this person, is the first step. Stay strong and good luck.


Sorry to hear about all this. My mother’s partner’s son (which is a convoluted way of saying ‘my friend’) has been in a very similar situation, and all I can say is get out. Now. I’m not going to go into all the details, but he moved out and into his dad’s, then hospital, then his mum’s. Eventually he’s getting better, but he still doesn’t get in touch as much as he should - because he’s used to not doing.

“If I ask to go to the doctors to get anti-depressants I get told that I’m a horrible person for saying she doesn’t make me happy.”

“If I ask to go to the doctors”? Why do you need permission to see somebody to make you better? I think this sums it up.

This relationship is doing neither of you any good. This might just be me, but I’d even go so far as to say you need to leave now, as in this very minute, while she’s asleep. You could come and stay at my house, but I live in England (where we play proper football).

I really hope you sort this out, by which I mean escape before she does you anymore damage. Remember, you are not in the wrong.

I’m sorry if I’m coming on a bit thick, but I wouldn’t want anybody to go through what my friend has.

Good luck.


Thommy H:

I cry when I think my parents will never know the pain I'm going through, and the fact I can't show them what I'm going through.
Step 1: tell them. Right now. Tell them everything you just told us. Obviously you've had a diagnosis of mental health problems in the past and, I'm telling you now, you don't sound like you have the strength to carry the burden you're carrying. You don't need to be in this relationship. Screw the shame, screw the church or whatever: you need to be safe. It's going to kill you if you carry on, and it sounds like it almost has already. So do what no one ever tells you to do and be selfish. Look after number one. Recognise that you're in a situation that is badly exacerbating your condition.

We can only provide so much advice. You need to go to the people in your life that will help you and, if you don't have that support network, you need to find a group that will. Seek professional help if that's what it takes to find some people who'll support you.


Kera foehunter:

Life is but a journey !

one must be happy First .these are Life lession we learn while we walk the path of life …

throw who don’t learn them has to repeat them…

You need to go on a walk about clear your head

all life problem are simple if you leave them simple


Thommy H:

Why don’t you go and stay with your parents for a bit?


Do you want this deleted?

From what I remember the thread starter cannot delete the first post of a thread, only edit out the contents.  Only a mod can actually delete the first post.

I don’t have much to offer really in relationship advice and I would be very wary of doing so on something important like this.  But my only question would be do you honestly see what’s going on now as something you want to work through, presuming it can be at all?

If you decide that then the course of action afterwards is more logical to work out.

I would suggest, as a precaution, that you quietly start to sneak out of the house anything that has hugely important emotional value or are important documents (birth certificate, bank statements, legal documents etc).  Store them with someone you trust for a while.

To lose things like these would hurt you a lot more in the long run. :wink:

Thommy H:

You can delete your own threads. I tried it recently on some random thread I made years ago to check. If you’re the OP and you delete the first post, it gets rid of everything.


I would gtfo as fast as possible to minimise damage too dont be sneaky though get an a-team together and move it all out in one hit. Kudos and man credits for pulling the eject lever.


Thommy H:

Use the delete button at the bottom of the post. Or, at least, you can just edit the text away to nothing.


As Grim said, gather up all things of import and stash them somewhere safe.

Then find yourself a person you trust… you say you go for drives on your own, can’t you drive to your parents?.. and talk to them in person, explain how you feel. Everybody needs a non-virtual network to rely on in times like these.

I’m not an expert in aussie-law, but nothing you wrote here is useable against you in a court of law (not where I live anyhow).

You’re just a guy pouring his heart out, and I feel your pain. I’m sorry I can’t really help you.


Thanks everyone. I edited the text away to nothing.

I’ll probably drive to my friends’ place once I sober up.

I’m sorry for posting this all on here, it’s just, by-and-by, the people on here are a lot nicer and less judgemental than those with mutual affiliation.

Honestly, a massive thank-you to everyone on here.

I’ll take it a day at a time, but I’ve been focussing a lot on my fitness to cope with this.

I aim to apply for a job as an ambulance officer (read: paramedicine) within 6 months, so I have to get back into ship-shape.

Kera foehunter:

Thommy H:

I don’t think someone who physically assaults him is someone he should be listening to, Kera. If everything in Necrotique’s story is accurate (and there are two sides to everything…), this isn’t an issue that can be put down to gender politics. It’s an abusive relationship, and he should be looking for ways to come out of it alive, not fix it.


Thanks everyone. I edited the text away to nothing.
I'll probably drive to my friends' place once I sober up.
I'm sorry for posting this all on here, it's just, by-and-by, the people on here are a lot nicer and less judgemental than those with mutual affiliation.

Don't be! Apparently you really needed to vent. If random spouting saves just one person from being miserable or worse then I'm all for reading pages of it. I read the stuff before you deleted it and I want to add my support for what others have said. If even half of what you wrote was accurate I'd call it quits long ago.
I'm reminded about the many many threads about gamers and their SOs where SOs belittle and complain about their hobby. To me that is a massive warning sign. Clearly they do not respect you as a person if they cannot accept that you have a hobby that you enjoy.
I say this in all well meaning, there's no doubt both of you need counseling and time apart. By the sound of it that might be permanently. If so, so be it. No shame in that. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.