Kera foehunter:
Thommy H:
No. Healthy relationships don’t involve (non-consensual) violence of any description. Sorry, I feel quite strongly about this one. I’m a married man, and if I ever raised a hand to my wife, I’d rightly expect to be kicked out of the house immediately.
Grimstonefire:
Personally I’d prefer to discuss problems like that kera from a nice safe distance. Over the phone maybe.
If someone did anything like that to me because they wanted to be left alone. Great, I’d kick them out or leave myself!
Kera foehunter:
Your right Thommy you shouldn’t hit a woman .
see you still don’t get it!!
I bet a pay check …if he go home and sit down and respect her and ask her what is wrong
I’m here and understand that i have made you mad .How can i fix this
What can i do to change my behavior
everything will be great
A great Chief once said : If you tell a woman that she is right
there will be no more fighting …ever
A smart man once he realize a woman can do everything better than he could!!
That was the(only man) that could do anything he wanted, from then on
Thommy H:
So it’s impossible for a woman to do any wrong in a relationship?
Kera foehunter:
No we get our selves in bad relationships !! when we think that we can fix you !!
Some of you would be very fun to try to fix !! 
Zuh-Khinie:
Like the man said Kera, he has apologised many times to his wife. He lets her ventilate her frustrations and sorrows, but it’s just one way traffic. Every time he wants to ventilate, he gets cut short and is called names (at least). Though she has been unfaithfull, he is not even allowed a decent conversation with his own parents, let alone other women.
In what way is this right or fair?
Anyhow, it is my solemn belief that physical or mental agression is a big no-no in a relationship. If my girlfriend ever hit me in a non-playfull manner, we at least would have a good conversation afterwards. If that didn’t prove to be helpfull, I’d just leave… I wouldn’t be able to put up with that for an extended period of time without beating her up, and that’s the solemn truth.
Violence is for the mentally weak… that is why I work as a conflict-negotiator, because I believe that words are better than fists.
snowblizz:
No we get our selves in bad relationships !! when we think that we can fix you !!I have to say Kera, Thommy is completely right in what he says. You absolutely don't get this I can see. Your reaction is exactly why Necrotique is in such a bad place. Because people have this notion of how things are supposed to be.
Some of you would be very fun to try to fix !! :)
Kera foehunter
Some abuse hotlines laugh at a man who calls there or gets angry because it's only women who can be abused. You shouldn't give up on marriage too soon. Things will get better. Work on it. Etc etc etc.
It's all part of refusing to upsetting ingrained ideas of how things are supposed to be in the face of evidence otherwise.
I'm not liking what I hear from you, I have to say.
Grimstonefire:
Not really to do with the opening discussion, but as a general observation (which should not be taken as advice), but imo some marriages are worth saving and some would inflict a lifetime of pain on both people… The view that all marriages are sacred and will last a lifetime etc is just not realistic and never has been, so it’s surprising really that abuse helplines etc persist in advocating that route.
If I were to run an advice line I would be advising people to look deep into themselves rather than outwards. It is not selfish to want to be happy. At the end of the day if you are not happy (even a tiny bit) you have nothing at all.
nagged:
havn’t read your posts necrotique, but was in a tough marriage. both of us having affairs, which led to an incredibly bitter divorce, people don’t believe me when i tell them what i went through. very dark and lonely times, however i’m still with the person i had my affair with an am much happier two children later and couldn’t wish for a better partner, while the ex wife is on her third marriage.
Have also had other issues in my childhood personal demons etc.
i’m not a religious person and i don’t want to be seen to force religion, but there is a prayer called the serenity prayer of which a part is tatooed across my chest which is now my motto and always lightens my mood.
grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change
the courage to change the things i can
and the wisdom to know the difference
Thommy H:
If something costs you your dignity, your health, your sanity…you’d better be damn sure it’s worth it. The following things never fall into that category: a job, a relationship, fame.
You, we, do not have a duty to be with someone else if doing that makes us miserable. Marriage isn’t sacred: I don’t care what the man in the special hat/robes/feathered head-dress/skeletal voodoo mask told you. It’s two people dedicating themselves to one another because they love one another and they think it will make them happy. If one or both of them finds that’s no longer the case, the right thing to do is to move on. Some things in this world are worth fighting for, no doubt, but a dead relationship isn’t one of them.
Necrotique:
Thanks for the support guys. Kera, I’m assuming you mean that women make relationships bad and have to fix it in the same way as we do by "get in bad relationships"
I’ve tried talking it out with her but things got worse through talking.
I don’t really think I want to talk any longer. We now have separate rooms and I’m going to go from there while working on myself.
I’m sorry that I gave the wrong impression. I should work out my problems before blaming other people.
For the record, more than hitting and scratching/ biting has occurred.
Also, I have been ridiculed by a few reputable “helpline” services as I’m a big guy. I got the same treatment from paid and unpaid counsellors. Rural WA really doesn’t have the best mental health care.
Kera foehunter:
No we get our selves in bad relationships !! when we think that we can fix you !!This Statement Was a Reply to Tommy h
Some of you would be very fun to try to fix !! :)
Kera foehunter
So it's impossible for a woman to do any wrong in a relationship?
Not to be use out of context
Thank you
Necrotique:
I think if a mod could hit delete for me that might be best. Sorry for the troubles.
Grimstonefire:
To avoid confusion, hit the report post button under your post(s) you want deleted.
You can just delete your own posts, and by the sounds of things the thread starter can delete their own threads entirely if they want to.
Necrotique:
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cornixt:
It’s weird giving such harsh advice over the internet, but leave her now. She is emotionally broken and you can’t fix her. The longer you stay with her the longer the pain will last. And when she leaps on you for goodbye sex and you can’t say no, use protection! This is based on similar experiences about people I know.
Thommy H:
Run.
No, seriously - it’s clear from what you’ve said that you’re in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. For your safety, for your sanity, you need to have the courage to pack up and leave. I’m an absolutist when it comes to things like this - I’m not saying some things aren’t worth working hard for, and all relationships involve a certain amount of compromise and so on, but if you’re not enjoying it, if it isn’t fun…why bother?
It isn’t going to be easy. You mentioned children - are they hers too? If kids are involved, that makes everything a lot more complicated, of course. I’m hoping, because you’re newly married, that they’re from a previous relationship. The thought of this person being a mother is pretty terrifying in and of itself.
One thing I think you need to start doing is being honest with your family. You need their support. It’s easier to spill your guts to an anonymous group of people online than it is to people you know in real life, but they need to hear all this too. You need to build a support network so that, when you decide to leave - and one way or another, I think that you will eventually - you have a place to go and people to look after you.
There are no easy solutions, but admitting that there’s an issue, that you perhaps made a big mistake marrying this person, is the first step. Stay strong and good luck.
nilbog:
Sorry to hear about all this. My mother’s partner’s son (which is a convoluted way of saying ‘my friend’) has been in a very similar situation, and all I can say is get out. Now. I’m not going to go into all the details, but he moved out and into his dad’s, then hospital, then his mum’s. Eventually he’s getting better, but he still doesn’t get in touch as much as he should - because he’s used to not doing.
“If I ask to go to the doctors to get anti-depressants I get told that I’m a horrible person for saying she doesn’t make me happy.”
“If I ask to go to the doctors”? Why do you need permission to see somebody to make you better? I think this sums it up.
This relationship is doing neither of you any good. This might just be me, but I’d even go so far as to say you need to leave now, as in this very minute, while she’s asleep. You could come and stay at my house, but I live in England (where we play proper football).
I really hope you sort this out, by which I mean escape before she does you anymore damage. Remember, you are not in the wrong.
I’m sorry if I’m coming on a bit thick, but I wouldn’t want anybody to go through what my friend has.
Good luck.
Necrotique:
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