Swissdictator:
One day while Wilmark was still a college student, his friends called him up and invited him over to a wonderfully fun evening. Now, as Willmark is so ancient the sands of time call him “Pappy” the only thing to do at this time was bowling. So he and his friends headed down to the village bowling alley, which at this time involved stones the size of barstool.
To make the game more entertaining, these pins were artistically designed, with simple shapes usually in the form of lines jutting randomly. As the artisans were primitive, and unable to get a nice round smooth carving they used skulls for the top. The rules were also different, due to the sheer mass of the “pins” the goal was to knock the skull off.
Now Willmark had never gone bowling for, so he was unsure of what to expect. His friend, One Eyed Tigh, stepped up and made his attempt. He threw a perfect curve ball that caused the ball to ricochet between the pins breaking nine skulls. One Eyed Tigh took his second swing and shattered the second skull. A young pimple faced teenager came out and cleaned up the skull remains, and tossed them in a trash bin. The trash bin was decorated with a skull with lines emitting beneath it… indicating “Skulls go here”.
Now one thing that needs to be told is that Willmark and One Eyed Tigh were interested in the same girl. She was a bowling fanatic, afterall she had recommended the activity. So Willmark grinned, he had both his eyes so his sight was keen. He threw the ball, and it bounced right off the pin and smacked him in the nose! Now this made him bleed, but he was determined to show he was more of a man. So despite the blood, and the fact he was kinda seeing double he threw the ball again. This time the ball bounced off the pin, smashed into stonehenge causing most of it to collapse, and smashed into his face again.
At this point, they decided to take a break. Willmark rented a mask, at the demand of the owner of the bowling alley. It fit very nicely, and it allowed him to stop worrying about maintaining a poker face. After a couple falafels they went back to their game.
The girl stepped up and make a perfect ten on the first throw! She grinned and jumped up and down clapping, very excited as she had never opened a game with a perfect ten before. One Eyed Tigh walked up, gave a wink to the girl and threw his ball. This ball smashed eight, and actually knocked one down into another pin resulting in a perfect ten! On Willmark’s turn, he only smashed four.
Slowly Willmark felt the hatred and anger burning in him, and he waited for his next turn. He reached into the depths of his soul and unleashed the ball with all the anger that had been building up at those annoying pins. He completely annihilated the pin… buts the skulls thumped harmlessly on the ground. They remained in perfect condition.
At this point, the owner of the alley was enfuriated. An occasional smashed bin or two was not unusual, let alone minor damage to them. However an entire lane having its pins destroyed was intolerable. He charged forth to drag Willmark out of the alley, but Willmark on an adrenaline high and wanting to show how manly he was… fought with the owner. However, as the owner regularly wrestled with the titans, the fight did not go well for Willmark. The girl turned to One Eyed Tigh as she was horrified by what Willmark was doing. In the end, Willmark was badly injured. The next day, when he showed up to his “four elements of nature” class, he so horrified the class (including the girl) he was shamed into wearing a full body suit the rest of his eternal life.
Interestingly enough, an unusual jab to the spleen and liver made him immortal. In the early 1990s AD, when Willmark discovered the wonderous joy of Warhammer, he fell in love with the Chaos Dwarfs as they were tough evil creatures who were as reclusive as he was beneath his suit (now nicknamed Darth Suit). Interestingly enough, One Eyed Tigh had become immortal and constantly plotted against Willmark, as the girl ended up ignoring both of them due to the trauma the event caused. One Eyed Tigh learned of Willmark’s new found loved and plotted to foil this love yet again.
Slowly One Eyed Tigh became a puppet master at Games Workshop, operating under several different names and disguises. He decided to torment Willmark, using the designs of the pins as giant hats for Willmark’s beloved army. To further torment Willmark, One Eyed Tigh also used the design from the bin in which the skulls One Eyed Tigh had shattered had quickly filled.
One day Willmark was skipping happily down to the local game store, his black robes billowing behind them like a flag in a parade. He was finally becoming a happy person. His grin practically beamed through the dark and grim mask with which he hid his face. Perhaps he might even have plastic surgery and abandon his evil suit, though being called Darth was mildly amusing. He walked in, excited at the idea of new Chaos Dwarfs. When he came to aisle where the little balls of spite usually were placed he shrieked with horror, shattering the windows. Those hats! Those hideous hats! The Horror! The wretched evil horror! He shrieked again, causing the person looking at the wood elves to fall over dead from the kinetic energy.
The owner of the store was enraged, not only had Willmark shattered the windows, his shrieking had killed his best friend who played Wood Elves. The owner kicked a stunned and weeping Willmark onto the curve. He then called Games Workshop and told them of the reaction. Games Workshop, hearing tales of gamers reacting horrified to Chaos Dwarfs became convinced the players hated the Big Hats. However it was really Willmark wondering around trying to get the old Chaos Dwarfs and reacting the same way every time, ironically killing lots of Wood Elf and Squats players.
In the end, with the stories of horrified reactions to the Big Hats reaching Games Workshop, they abandoned the whole army. This was the final blow to Willmark, who retreated to a cave for years, where he slowly came up with the plan of bringing back his love of Chaos Dwarfs, and the Internet would be his Death Star. As an interesting side note, Willmark killed nearly every Squat player, leading to that army being dropped as well.
Soon, Willmark’s day of vengence would come, and he would banish One Eyed Tigh (who had sold himself to Demons) to the depths of Wisconsin from which he came!
I will write it up later…
